SlowLearner

MOTHER SACRAMENTO PART 2

The following scene contains explicit language. If that bothers you... I guess I don't really care. But maybe don't read it. 

Mother Sacramento, Part 2, was performed on Saturday, October 10, 2009, at the Vampire Cowboys Battle Ranch. It was directed by Jordana Williams, with Kristen Vaughan as Mother Meghan, Abe Goldfarb as Ben, Sean Williams as Detective Murphy, and Matthew Kinney as Detective Vance.

Mother Sacramanto Part 1 is here.

MOTHER SACRAMENTO
Part 2
©2009 by Mac Rogers

 

BEN is in an interrogation room. Detectives MURPHY and VANCE are watching him from an observation room. MURPHY wears a cross around his neck. MOTHER MEGHAN is with them.

                                                             BEN
We wonder… we wonder if she can hear us right now. We know you can hear us; what we want to know is if she’s with you. You should let us know. Maybe we’ll talk. Maybe we’ll confess. Are you listening, Mother Sacramento? We can almost tell but not quite. If you are, there’s some things we’d like to tell you.

                                                             VANCE
 All right, turn it off. (MURPHY doesn’t move.)

                                                            BEN
 We’d like to tell you how we’d lick your snatch. We’d like to tell you how – after you and we are joined – we will feast on your snatch every living day, voraciously, like a leg of lamb, like the fattest wiggling lump of sashimi on the whole plate.

                                                            VANCE (on “feast on your snatch”)

Murphy!

                                                            BEN
You should consider it, Mother Sacramento! We’re very good! Our combined jaws boast a history of snatch-licking spanning six thousand years!

VANCE pushes past MURPHY and hits a switch that silences BEN by cutting off the mic to his room.

                                                            VANCE (to MOTHER MEGHAN)
 On behalf of the  Pittsburgh Metropolitan Police Department –

                                                             MURPHY
 What are you, apologizing? Don’t apologize!

                                                            VANCE
 On behalf of the Pittsburgh Metropolitan Police Department I apologize that you were subjected to language of that nature on our premises, Ma’am. (to MURPHY) And the next time you don’t follow an order the second I give it you can stop counting on my protection altogether.

                                                             MURPHY
 Don’t talk to me like that in front of her!

                                                            VANCE
 To repeat: the next time you –

                                                             MURPHY
 I’m your fucking partner!

                                                             VANCE
 Not anymore, Murphy. What you are now is a headcase hanging by a thread, and I’m the only friend you’ve got left.

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
 There’s no need to apologize. They’re all words I’ve heard before.

                                                            VANCE
Still, you have a reasonable expectation of being able to enter a public building without –

 

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
And I imagine Detective Murphy had his reasons for wanting me to hear them. (Beat.) Detective?

 

                                                            MURPHY
 Hey, Vance, it’s your party.

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN

 I’ll answer any question you want to ask.

                                                             VANCE
 You know what, for right now, why don’t I take care of asking –

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
 Particularly any questions your partner is too shy to ask.

                                                            VANCE
Excuse me?

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
The collar can sometimes be more intimidating outside the Church than those within.

                                                            MURPHY
 The collar…

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
 Any question you like.

                                                            MURPHY
 That’s not a collar, that’s a costume.

                                                            VANCE
All right, Murphy, you shut that shit down right now.

                                                             MURPHY
Five years, you’re not gonna have my back when some phony in a Halloween –

                                                             VANCE
 Murphy! 

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
Any question you like, Detective. Anything at all.

                                                            MURPHY
 Are you fucking Ben Stiles?

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
 No. Ask me another.

                                                             VANCE
 Oh my god, we’re gonna be sued beneath the Earth’s crust.

                                                             MURPHY
 Have you had any contact with Benjamin Stiles since you left St. Francis in 1992?

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
No.

                                                            VANCE
 You know, Murphy, it’s not exactly teamwork if I’m treating her like a witness and you’re treating her like a suspect.

                                                             MURPHY
 Let me tell you what I see: I see a guy goes crazy and strangles his wife in the middle of Pre-Cana. There’s exactly one witness to the crime, an affirmative action baby who happens to be the signatory to a two-page love letter in the perp’s goddam high school yearbook! How did I become the bad guy for asking the most obvious questions in the world?

                                                            VANCE
 She’s a priest!

                                                             MURPHY
 She’s not a priest, she’s a disgrace in drag! (Pause.)

                                                             VANCE
 All right.

                                                             MURPHY (to MOTHER MEGHAN)
You won’t catch me at that parish, I wouldn’t go near it.

                                                             VANCE
 All right, Murphy, you’re gone.

                                                             MURPHY
I’m gone?

                                                             VANCE
You’re done for the day. You’re on smoke break for the next fifteen hours. 

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
 It can be frustrating, having to yell things at the television, because no one on the television can hear you. How often do you get to meet the person from the television face to face? How could you pass up the chance to yell when you’re finally in earshot?

                                                             MURPHY
You know what, don’t do that, don’t minister to me, all right?

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
 I’ve never been married, so I can’t imagine what it must be like to be divorced.

                                                             MURPHY (to VANCE)
You son of a bitch.

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
I’m so very, very sorry.

                                                             MURPHY
 What else did you tell her about me?

                                                             VANCE
 Wow, what a professional interrogation room I run! 

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
Someone used to help you with your clothes in the morning. They don’t anymore. I’m sorry, I don’t mean it as an insult.

                                                             MURPHY
Can you imagine a real priest saying shit like this? 

                                                            VANCE
Hey, Murphy? Remember the guy who gave her the job? The guy in the outfit? What was his name again?

                                                            MURPHY
 Fuck you.

                                                            VANCE
Something The Fifth? She’s a real priest. How else do you people decide things?

                                                            MURPHY
 “You people?”

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
“Disgrace in drag” is Glenn Beck, correct? 

                                                            MURPHY
It figures you would read your own press.

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
I certainly do read all my own death threats. (Pause.)

                                                            MURPHY
They never should have put that collar on you in the first place.

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN

All right.

                                                            VANCE
They had to do something, right?

                                                             MURPHY

Excuse me?

                                                             VANCE
To change the subject? How many child molesters did you people hide in 2010 alone? Seriously. How many molesters of children did your Church move around and hide from persecution in just calendar year 2010? (to MOTHER MEGHAN) No offense, Mother, but when the President called out your boss. I literally cheered in my living room.

                                                             MURPHY
When he declared war on the Vatican, you cheered.

                                                             VANCE
He didn’t declare war on the Vatican, he said if they were going to systematically cover up crimes against  American children, they would be treated like a hostile foreign power.

 

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
Detectives –

                                                             MURPHY
Funny how Muslims can do any goddam thing they want, and that’s all fine, but let a Catholic –

                                                             VANCE
Who said anything about Muslims -?

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
Detectives, while I can see this is an ongoing subject of discussion between you, I’m happy to return to the murder investigation at your earliest convenience.  (Pause.)

                                                            VANCE
You’re right, Ma’am. I’m sorry.

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
Detective Murphy: I did not in any way conspire with Mr. Stiles to murder his wife. He and I meant a great deal to each other for about one month of our junior year of high school, but we have not been in contact for close to two decades. Whatever you think of my elevation to the priesthood, I’m sure you can agree that if I was planning to steal a woman’s husband, it would represent a stunningly counter-productive use of time and energy. (Beat.)

                                                            MURPHY
 You’re right.

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
My heart is broken for Claire. My heart is broken for Ben. Nothing is left for me but to ask God’s mercy on their souls and help you any way I can.  

                                                             MURPHY

All right.

                                                            VANCE
 Okay, so going back to when she first showed you the yearbook –

                                                             MURPHY (producing a book)
 Recognize this?

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
 Not that edition, specifically.

                                                            VANCE
I’m right in the middle of a question!

                                                            MURPHY (handing him the book)
I bookmarked a page.

                                                             VANCE
 “Inaglio’s Catholic Book of Demonology”?

                                                             MURPHY
 He definitely said “Arazeer”?

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
Without question.

                                                             VANCE
Research sent this up?

                                                             MURPHY
I called it in, had a cadet run over to the Borders. (VANCE looks at him.) My head’s on straight, Mike. I got this.

                                                             VANCE (opening it to the bookmarked page)
 You know this book?

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
I know it exists.

                                                            VANCE
But you haven’t read it.

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
In seminary they called it “junk Catholicism.” Three rungs below Dan Brown.

                                                             VANCE (reading aloud)
“While accounts differ on particulars, Arazeer is most often described as the name chosen for a demon comprised of a conjoined set of septuplets, five male and two female, never separated after birth, that grew to speak in one voice. Arazeer is distinguished by an omnivorous and unquenchable appetite for sexual congress.” You’re kidding, right?

                                                            MURPHY
I wanna take a run at him, on his own terms. 

                                                            VANCE
I don’t know, Murphy.

                                                            MURPHY
Look: I’m sorry. I’m sorry, my temper – (to MOTHER MEGHAN) I’m sorry, Ms. Sacramento. I apologize for speaking to you in that manner.

                                                             VANCE
 I don’t think “Ms.” is the honorific you’re looking for.

                                                             MURPHY
Mother Sacramento. I’m sorry. Can you accept my apology?

                                                             MOTHER MEGHAN
That depends. Are you offering it so he’ll let you do something stupid?

                                                             MURPHY
We can’t let this guy get off on insanity. We need a confession. Not from Arazeer the Seven-Headed Demon, we need a confession from Ben Stiles. I need you to watch, from here, and watch for any sign of him poking through the act, anything we can use to catch him out.

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
I knew him in high school.

                                                             MURPHY
And right now that’s all we’ve got.

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
What if he really is insane?

                                                             MURPHY
He’s not. He’s lying. I’m really good at this, and he’s lying. 

                                                            MOTHER MEGHAN
Or if he really is a demon?

                                                            MURPHY
Well in that case… no one’s gonna miss me anyway, right?

                                                             VANCE
You got that right. 

                                                            MURPHY (Going to switch on the speaker)
I take point. 

                                                            VANCE
Until I decide you don’t. See how that works? (to MOTHER MEGHAN) You’re safe in here. Stay in here. Any time you have a problem, any problem, you open that door and yell for the desk sergeant. (to MURPHY) Speaker’s on?

                                                             BEN
 Is this what’s called “sweating us out”? 

                                                            VANCE
Guess so. 

                                                            BEN
How do you imagine that will work? Where do you think we live?

                                                           MURPHY
Let’s do this. (MURPHY and VANCE cross into the interrogation room.) Sorry to keep you waiting.

                                                            BEN
 Goodness gracious alive. Genuine homicide detectives. 

                                                            MURPHY
 You need anything, Mr. Stiles? Coffee? Soft drink?

                                                             BEN
We need you to call us by our proper name.

                                                             MURPHY
Arazeer, right. Hey, I’m sorry about that.

                                                            BEN
Where is she?

                                                            MURPHY
So – five boys, two girls, right?

                                                             BEN
Can she hear us right now?

                                                             MURPHY
I mean, that’s you – five boys, two girls? 

                                                            BEN
Where is she right now?

                                                             MURPHY
Maybe you’ve got other things to worry about, Ben – I’m sorry, Arazeer. Did I say Ben?                             

                                                            BEN
We have nothing else to worry about.

                                                            MURPHY
I’m sorry about that, it just slipped out. I think my problem is you don’t look anything like a seven-headed demon, so I keep forgetting. 

                                                            BEN
Seven-headed?

                                                            MURPHY (checking the book)
I’ve got that right, don’t I? Seven?

                                                            BEN
Trust me, Detective. We have seven of everything. Now why don’t we stop wasting time and BRING MOTHER SACRAMENTO TO US NOW!

                                                             MURPHY
Whoah, whoah, now –

                                                             VANCE

Step back.

                                                            MURPHY
’Cause I can totally do that –

                                                             BEN
NOW!!

                                                             VANCE
Seriously, sir, step back, I’m not gonna tell you again.

                                                            MURPHY
I can totally do that. But you have to understand, being a police officer and all, I’m kind of a stick in the mud, and I gotta wonder what you’re going to do with her.

                                                            BEN
Why don’t you ask us, then?

                                                            VANCE
Well he’s a demon, right Murphy? He probably wants her soul. 

                                                            MURPHY
You’re probably right, he probably wants her soul. Is it her soul?

                                                            BEN
Have you ever touched a soul, Detective Murphy?

                                                             MURPHY

Touched one?

                                                            BEN

With your hands? With your tongue Do you even know what a soul is? We don’t. Our colleagues seem to care a great deal about souls, but we don’t. We like bodies. We prefer bodies.

                                                            MURPHY
Bodies?

                                                            BEN (indicating himself)
This body, for example. We chose this body, specifically, the body of Mother Meghan’s only earthly love, for our connubial purpose. We chose this cock, the only cock she has ever held in her delicate hand, to plunge into her red kwim every hour unto the end of her days. We chose her body, her pale, thrumming, forbidden body, to cleave to us as our mortal bride until both these bodies expire and putresce. We chose these eyes to watch her walk into this room; these ears to hear as she, full-hearted, consents to our proposal. All that remains is that you drag your useless, rotting body over to that door, and let her in. (Pause.)

                                                            MURPHY
Wow. I didn’t think you were gonna say that. Did you think he was gonna say that, Mike?

                                                            VANCE
No, that’s definitely a new one.

                                                            MURPHY
That’s one for the books. You know what I don’t get, though? 

                                                            BEN
Detective, you have very nearly exhausted our patience.

                                                             MURPHY
If you’re this all-powerful demon who take over a man’s brain and body, if you can do all that, why do you even need her consent?

                                                            VANCE
That’s an awfully good question.

                                                            MURPHY
Why would you even let us arrest you and bring you in here in the first place?

                                                             VANCE

I like that one too.

                                                            BEN (quietly)
It’s all part of the plan.

                                                             MURPHY (moving closer)

I’m sorry, part of what?

                                                            BEN

Part of the plan.

                                                            MURPHY
The plan to do what?

                                                             BEN
Prove to Mother Meghan that no one can protect her and there’s nowhere she can hide.

                                                            MURPHY
 Boy, that’s a tall order. How are you gonna prove that?

                                                            BEN
Like this. (MURPHY is close enough now. BEN seizes him, and puts him into an armlock with one arm.)

                                                             VANCE (drawing his gun)
Let him go, right now! Right now! I’m not kidding, I’ll take your face right off! 

                                                            BEN
Isn’t that gun getting a little hot?

                                                            VANCE
Fuck – FUCK! (He drops the gun and cradles his hand.)

                                                             BEN

Now WATCH, Detective Murphy!

                                                            VANCE (to MOTHER MEGHAN)
Get the Desk Sergeant! Get the - ! (Suddenly VANCE cries out. He holds his head. He claws at his face, his ears, his hair. He sinks to the floor.)

                                                             BEN
Watch! Keep your eyes open, don’t you dare turn away! (VANCE’s whole body spasms, then he dies.) You see? Man of dust and salt, do you finally see? You cannot stand against us, you dare not raise your hand to us, we look upon your number and see only field mice! You tell her! You tell her there’s nowhere to run and nowhere to hide and the night of our nuptial hour approaches! (He flings MURPHY to the floor and looks directly at MOTHER MEGHAN through the one-way glass.) Or we’ll tell her ourselves.

Consent, Mother Sacramento. Consent and come away with us to the place we have made for you. There is no escape.

END OF PART 2

MOTHER SACRAMENTO - PART 1

This year is the second year my Gideon colleagues and I are participating in the Vampire Cowboys Saturday Night Saloon, wherein six playwrights present plays in 10-minute installments over five months (on the second Saturday night of each month). It's really one of the most joyous, purely fun theatrical experiences of the year for me, and I'm really grateful to Qui, Abby, Robert, Lex, and the gang for putting it together.

I'm going to post each part of my play this year, Mother Sacramento, the week after we perform it. Each play is supposed to mesh two genres. I don't want to give away my genres just yet.

Mother Sacramento, Part 1, was performed on Saturday, September 12, 2009, at the Vampire Cowboys Battle Ranch. It was directed by Jordana Williams, with Kristen Vaughan as Mother Meghan, Michelle O'Connor as Claire, and Abe Goldfarb as Ben.

MOTHER SACRAMENTO
Part 1
©2009 by Mac Rogers

Lights up on CLAIRE, standing in the empty office of a priest inside a Catholic Church. She’s looking out of an unseen window.

MOTHER MEGHAN SACRAMENTO, a priest, enters and stops, surprised.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Hello. Is there anything I can help you with?

                    CLAIRE
Oh! I’m sorry. No, I was just here for – wait, do I say “God bless you, Mother?” first?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
I don’t think it’s a rule.

                    CLAIRE
But it’s respectful, right?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Perhaps a tinier bit more respectful than entering an office unannounced, but I don’t stand on ceremony.

                    CLAIRE
I’m sorry, the door was cracked, so I –

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Actually, that’s ridiculous. Of course I stand on ceremony.

                    CLAIRE
The door was a little open, and when I looked in I saw through the window to the statue.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
That’s true, you can’t see it from the parking lot.

                    CLAIRE
Mary, right? The Virgin Mary, not the, you know, the –

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
I’m going to guess: you’re Claire Anderson.

                    CLAIRE
I – yes. Yes, sorry, this is dithering what I’m doing, right?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
And you deliberately showed up a few minutes before your fiancé because you were hoping to catch me alone.

                    CLAIRE
Yes, okay, yes.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Now watch as I guess the reason. We priests have mystical powers, you’ve probably heard –

                    CLAIRE
Oh, actually, no, it’s probably not what you think –

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
No, it’s coming to me, give me a chance…

                    CLAIRE
It’s just…

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
I’ve got it! You’re not quite sure how you feel about getting your Pre-Cana marital counseling from the first-ever Papally-sanctioned female priest.

                    CLAIRE
Well it’s… related to that.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Claire: it’s totally fine. This is going to be weird for all of us for a long time. You don’t need to feel bad that it bothers you.

                    CLAIRE
It doesn’t.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
But I’ll make you the same promise I’ve made everyone in the parish. If you keep showing up, I’ll keep showing up. I’ll bet you two dollars right now that you’ll get used to me.

                    CLAIRE
Seriously: it doesn’t bother me. I wasn’t raised Catholic. I don’t have a dog in the fight. I know a lot of people are pissed, some other people are happy, but I’m neither. Was it bad that I just said “pissed?”

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
You weren’t raised Catholic?

                    CLAIRE
My fiancé was. I converted. He wouldn’t marry me if I didn’t convert. Shit! We agreed I wasn’t gonna say that. And now I’ve cursed again!

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Claire, a lot of people are fine with the idea of a woman for a priest as long as she isn’t their priest, I get that. You know what, why don’t we sneak some sodas from the –

                    CLAIRE
I don’t care that you’re a woman priest, or priestess, or whatever, seriously!

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
It doesn’t make you prejudiced, or –

                    CLAIRE
The problem is you dated my fiancé in high school. (Pause.)

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
… all right. You know, Claire, I don’t think that could actually be true.

       

CLAIRE is digging a high school yearbook out of her bag.

                    CLAIRE
Listen, I’m going to show you something, and you have to promise you won’t tell Ben.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Boy, that’s really not a great way to start a couples counseling session.

       

CLAIRE opens to a bookmarked page.

                    CLAIRE
That’s you, right? Meghan Sacramento? (MOTHER MEGHAN stares at the page in silence.) I think probably yes, right, from your face?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Where did you get this?

                    CLAIRE
And this… (Flips to another bookmarked page, a blank one filled with a long written note.) …is your handwriting. I’m guessing. (MOTHER MEGHAN reads.) Yeah it goes on to the… next page there… (MOTHER MEGHAN flips to the next page and reads the rest.) I’m sorry. I’m not trying to like catch you in something. But this is my life.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Your husband’s name is Ben Robbins.

                    CLAIRE
He would’ve been Ben Stiles before you moved out of Pittsburgh. His dad left and his mother went back to her maiden name. Do you want to see his picture?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
I’m guessing that’s the third bookmark? (She’s already flipped to it.)

                    CLAIRE
He actually still looks a little like that. More than I look like my junior year picture, which is a pisser. What is my problem?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Yes, while I’d prefer you didn’t use profane words, they don’t actually scald my skin.

                    CLAIRE
I should’ve come to see you yesterday, or like last week.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Claire, you are clearly more than entitled to another priest. If you’ll give me a moment to make a phone call –

                    CLAIRE
It’s not like that. I know high school was a long time ago. I don’t like think you’re carrying some secret torch and becoming the most famous priest in the world probably isn’t part of your fifteen-year plan to win him back. I’m not saying you can’t do it.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
But…

                    CLAIRE
But he’s never, ever spoken to me like that. He’s never written to me like that. He’s never spoken words like that to me.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
These are my words.

                    CLAIRE
Sure, but if I opened your yearbook to the same two pages, what would I see? (Pause.)

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
You know this is only my third day in the parish. I thought, even an absolutely ordinary week would be an enormous challenge.

                    CLAIRE
I’m sorry.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Not at all. God simply doesn’t give out tests that we cannot rise to meet.

                    CLAIRE
I’m thirty-two. I’m getting married at thirty-two ‘cause I’m choosy. I want someone to love me like that. Am I ridiculous? Or like evil?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Claire, this… isn’t lifetime love. I don’t even know that this is love, this is… seventeen-year-old energy. It just needs to be poured out in some direction.

                    CLAIRE
This Church has married plenty of seventeen-year-olds.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Because this Church provides a haven where their energy can be harnessed and channeled, not just expended without care. The marriage of a man and a woman is the mirror image of the inextricable bond between Jesus Christ and his Holy Church, and within that analogous structure, there is a safe, strong home that will feed and warm and shelter your marriage over a lifetime.

                    BEN (off)
Claire? Claire?

                    CLAIRE
Shit, give it back to me – sorry, sorry! (She stashes the yearbook in her bag.)

                    BEN (off)
Claire?

                    CLAIRE
I’m already here, Ben! I’m inside!

                    BEN (off)
Can I… come in?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
You can come in.

       

BEN enters. He and MOTHER MEGHAN look at each other.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Ben? Ben from St. Francis?

                    BEN
Listen, Meg, I owe you an apology –

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
It is you!

                    BEN
Yes, yes, guilty, I’m so sorry, listen, I should have called ahead to tell you –

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
From, don’t tell me now, debate team? And you were –

                    BEN
High IQ Challenge, it was a different thing –

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
And you were dating Louise O’Connor, right? Junior year?

                    BEN
Part of junior year.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
I think even we dated for ten minutes somewhere in there, if I’m remembering right, though don’t worry, Claire, that mainly consisted of us sitting in the food court all day long complaining about our parents.

                    BEN
I think that’s right.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Well it’s wonderful to see you, Ben!

                    BEN
Thank you, it’s uh –

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
It is wonderful to see you in the Church, and most of all it is wonderful to see you engaged to this lovely, charming woman I’ve been getting to know just now.

                    BEN
Wow, thank you, Meg – Mother Meghan – (to CLAIRE) Boy, that’s nice, huh?

                    CLAIRE
God bless you, Mother.

                    BEN
Right, God bless you, Mother. Wow, it’s just crazy, isn’t it? If you’d said to me at that food court all those years ago –

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
“Stick it out, Ben, one day when I’m the first official female Catholic priest we’ll laugh about all this as I give you and your beautiful fiancé marital advice.”

                    BEN
Yeah, why didn’t you say that?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Well, I was a teenager, poor communication skills –

                    BEN
You know, when I told Claire I wanted to handle this right, you know, with the Church –

                    CLAIRE
Including the six months of living apart in celibacy, and I was meaning to ask you, is that a real thing? Because…

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
It’s… helpful.

                    BEN
Claire said “You know what? I bet we’ll get that lady on the news. That’s our parish.” I didn’t know who she meant.

                    CLAIRE
Ben watches a lot of History Channel. Or I assume he still does; we haven’t lived together in months -

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Well, why don’t we get –

                    BEN
What I mean to say is, congratulations, Meg. Bottom of my heart. What you’ve achieved is extraordinary, it’s historic. And now I promise to never call you Meg again. (They look at each other.)

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Well, thank you, then. So, I guess, in order to get started, and this is going to be my first Pre-Cana, so –

                    CLAIRE
Are we going to talk about why Ben won’t let me visit him at work?

                    BEN
See, again with this. Why do you want to visit me at work?

                    CLAIRE (to MOTHER MEGHAN)
The Church doesn’t have a problem with us having lunch together, right?

                    BEN
I don’t take lunch; I work straight through.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
You know what, I’m going to suggest we start at the beginning instead of in the middle.

                    CLAIRE
Sorry.

                    BEN
This isn’t something we’d even discuss, right? I mean, it’s about the liturgical preparation; you’re not a marriage counselor.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Well Ben, over the next four sessions, I am a sort of a marriage counselor. Today we cover the sacramental nature of marriage, Session 3 a week from today is about intimacy and sexuality, Session Four is, yes, the liturgical planning, but tomorrow, Session Two, is communication and expectations. So, yes: lunch at work might come up. We want strong marriages in this church. Loving bonds, families, we have no Church without these, the Holy Church rests upon commitments like the one you two are about to make.

       

BEN takes CLAIRE’s hand.

                    BEN
Fair enough.

                    CLAIRE
You sound good. You don’t sound like it’s your first one.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Thank you, Claire. I should say, though, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m starting off easy. It’s a lot easier when a couple’s a bit older. People aren’t so full of illusions. People know who they are.

                    BEN
We’ve both, you know…

                    CLAIRE
We’ve both made some bad choices. Before we met.

                    BEN
Yeah.

                    CLAIRE
Oh – I’m not saying – I’m not talking about –

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Of course you made bad choices. That’s what being young is for. My theory is that’s why the Lord gives us stronger bodies when we’re young. We have all these mistakes to withstand.

                    CLAIRE
It’s a good theory.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Well, it’s flawed; it falls apart when you consider that He gives the young much more fragile hearts.

                    CLAIRE
I’m trying to decide if I agree or if I totally disagree.

       

An alarm sounds. It continues over the following.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Oh dear, I’m sorry, I’ll have to –

                    CLAIRE
What is it, a break-in?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Oh, someone’s gone in the Sanctuary – almost certainly a kid. I’m sorry, give me two minutes.

                    CLAIRE (to BEN)
Are you all right?

                    BEN
No, it’s just this headache I’ve had all day, the noise is –

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
I’m so sorry, two minutes, I know the code – I’ll be right back.

       

MOTHER MEGHAN leaves.

                    CLAIRE
Boy, it’s a big one, huh?

                    BEN
It’s been there all week, but not like this.

                    CLAIRE
She’ll turn it off, she’ll turn it off. You know, if it’s really bad, we can go. We can reschedule this.

                    BEN
Actually, just – lemme just put my face in my hands for a second.

                    CLAIRE
You think it’s a migraine?

                    BEN
I just need this noise to stop – lemme just do this.

                    CLAIRE
Okay – okay. (BEN puts his face in his hands. CLAIRE reaches out to touch him, then decides against it. She goes to the window.) It’s kind of an amazing statue, I don’t know if you saw, really arresting…

BEN suddenly drops his hands from his face. He sits up straight. He looks pain-free. He looks different. He stands. The alarm stops.

                    CLAIRE   
Thank god. (She looks back at BEN.) Oh, are you feeling better, babe?  Is your head feeling better? (He goes to her, touches her.) Are you all right?

BEN suddenly seizes CLAIRE by the throat and throttles her. She struggles with him. She tries to pull at his arms. They are suddenly incredibly strong. She tries to make a sound. She can’t. CLAIRE dies just as MOTHER MEGHAN enters.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Hey – HEY! Hey STOP! (BEN flings CLAIRE at MOTHER MEGHAN. CLAIRE’s body falls into MOTHER MEGHAN’s arms. MOTHER MEGHAN staggers.) Claire? Claire are you all right? Claire? Claire? Oh my God. (She lowers CLAIRE to the floor.) Oh my God in Heaven. (She sees BEN moving slowly toward her.)

                    BEN
Mother?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Ben?

                    BEN
Mother May I? Motherland? Mothership? MotherFUCKER?

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Ben, what’s happening?

                    BEN
Ben can’t answer.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Ben, what in God’s name is happening?

                    BEN
Ben is in here with us.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Stay away from me.

                    BEN
Ben is on the inside, with us. He lives inside with us.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Who are you?

                    BEN
What’s that, Mothersmilk? We can’t hear you.

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
Who are you?

                    BEN
We are ARAZEER! We are the Many! We are the Conjoined, the Continuous, the Contiguous, the Brothers and Sisters! We are Arazeer and Ben is on the inside with us!

                    MOTHER MEGHAN
What do you want?

                    BEN
We want you, Mother Sacramento. We crossed the Circles for you. We’ve come to take you away.

LIGHTS DOWN - END OF PART 1

MORE LIFE FOR VIRAL

It's been an amazing, whirlwind couple of weeks with an awful lot of good news, but here's the lede:

VIRAL had an amazing run at the New York International Fringe Festival. Jordana and the cast, crew, and design team mounted it beautifully, and as a result, we scored the best press we've ever had, won a FringeNYC Outstanding Play award, and have been invited to join the Fringe Encore Series with five new dates over Septmber at the Soho Playhouse. 

More info and links today and tomorrow as I get them, but suffice it to say, we're grateful and stunned - and very happy to have the chance to share this story with some more people. 

--SlowLearner

VIRAL FOR YOUR EYES AND EARS

Here's Theatermania on VIRAL and some other cool FringeNYC shows, but even more fun: here's me on the NYTheatrecast talking with the inimitable Matt Freeman about VIRAL and some of its running themes with past plays of mine. It's a fun and rare thing for a non-famous playwright to get to do an in-depth conversation like this one. Special props go to mixmaster Rochelle Denton, who once again keeps me from sounding like a stammering idiot.

Enjoy this multmedia experience, and then get your tickets here!

--SlowLearner

THIS PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR ALL AUDIENCES

Since you're already planning to take your own life...

                            ...there's something you can do that will make a lot of lonely people very happy.

AROUND THE SPHERE ON NYIT

My post below is all about UR and my own feelings. Gus and Sean and Freeman do a much better job of addressing the wider event, and why it means so much to what we're trying to do.

--SlowLearner

OUTSTANDING ENSEMBLE

Last night, the New York Independent Theater Awards nominated UNIVERSAL ROBOTS for four awards: Outstanding Production of a Play (Manhattantheatresource and Gideon Productions), Outstanding Full-Length Script (me), Outstanding Actor in a Lead Role (Jason Howard), and Outstanding Ensemble (Esther Barlow, Jennifer Gordon Thomas, Jason Howard, David Lamberton, David Ian Lee, Michelle O'Connor, Ridley Parson, Nancy Sirianni, Tarantino Smith, and Ben Sulzbach).

At the end of last week, I needed to tape an acceptance speech for the very kind "Best Off-Off Broadway Play" award granted to UNIVERSAL ROBOTS by the Independent Theater Bloggers Association. It was the only time I've ever had to do anything like that, so I was determined to make sure I didn't forget to thank anyone. 

UNIVERSAL ROBOTS had two productions, a workshop in 2007 and a fuller production in 2009, and while most of the cast remained the same between the two, that still meant that an awful lot of people contributed to making it happen. I spent a few hours working out the list, and then sent it to a couple of my coproducers for review. And they had even MORE names. And this was after deciding to omit journalists and reviewers in any platform (as I wasn't sure if that would be kosher) and limit the list to only people who made active creative, producerial, or financial contributions to the two productions. 

The final list ran to 59 NAMES. Fifty-nine, son.

The running theme of UNIVERSAL ROBOTS for me was of a crazy dream that languished in my head for several years because it just seemed insane, over-the-top, way too elaborate and huge for an independent play (which probably seems pretty funny to Johnna Adams, who writes three of this kind of play at a time). It was private, weird, something I was almost ashamed of. I only finally finished it in early June '07 because I promised Manhattantheatresource I would fill two weeks on the schedule. 

So the fact that so many people went on to rally around the play and make it their own may not be the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me, but it's in the Top Four. Most of the actors who now seem indelibly associated with their roles signed on with weeks or days (or, in the case of Tarantino Smith, less than one day's) notice, and then killed themselves to be brilliant in it. Two production teams busted their asses to create the world of the play. A tremendous audience came to see it, with actually a decent number of return viewers. It's the most successful connection I've had thus far as a writer to other theater artists and to an audience, and the most creatively fulfilling project in which I've had the opportunity to participate. With each subsequent project, starting with VIRAL next month, UNIVERSAL ROBOTS is the experience I'm gonna try to top. 

That's why of the four noms, Outstanding Ensemble is my favorite. We had a wonderful, insanely dedicated cast on this show, but I think if "the Ensemble" as including and widening out from the performers to encompass everyone who put this play on its feet and made it no longer mine, but ours, no longer private, but shared. The play builds to the choral call-and-response "We belong to each other" - the definitive expression of the Ensemble. 

I have more to write about this - about the NYIT Awards as a wonderful organization, about the other nominees that we're just staggered to be included with - but today all I want to do is thank with all my heart the people who made UNIVERSAL ROBOTS - my Outstanding Ensemble.

--SlowLearner

Written by Mac Rogers
Directed by Rosemary Andress

Starring
Esther Barlow, Jason Howard*, David Lamberton*, David Ian Lee*, Michelle O'Connor*, Ridley Parson, Nancy Sirianni*,Tarantino Smith*, 
Ben Sulzbach, and Jennifer Gordon Thomas

*appears courtesy Actor's Equity Association

Production Manager: Saundra Yaklin
Artistic Director: Jim Lawson
Producer: Lanie Zipoy
Set Design: Raul Abrego
Costume Design: Nicky J. Smith
Lighting Design: Kia Rogers
Sound Design: Ien DeNio
Stage Manager: Dana Rossi
Board Operator: Ian Wherle
Graphic Design: Wade Dansby III
Web Design: Pete Boisvert

Associate Producer: Gideon Productions

manhattantheatresource and Gideon Productions present

as part of the "Straight from the Source" Summer Showcase series

UNIVERSAL ROBOTS

written and directed by Mac Rogers

Inspired by the play "R.U.R." by Karel Capek

Assistant Directors - Shey Lyn Zanotti and Sandy Yaklin

Featuring Esther Barlow, Jason Howard*, David Ian Lee*, Michelle O'Connor, Ridley Parson, Nancy Sirianni*, Tarantino Smith*, Ben Sulzbach, Jennifer Gordon Thomas, and James Wetzel*

Mon - Thu, July 9 - 12 at 8pm

Mon - Thu, July 16 - 19 at 8pm

VIRAL

Since you're already planning to take your own life...

... there's something you can do that will make a lot of lonely people very happy.

Part of the 2009 New York International Fringe Festival.

More details soon.

VIRAL on Facebook.

--SlowLearner

INFECT YOURSELF TONIGHT

I'm trying to get my shit together to write a proper review that gets at my feelings about Infectious Opportunity, the new show presented by my longtime cohorts Nosedive Productions, and hopefully will in a day or so.

For this morning, suffice it to say that Infectious Opportunity by James Comtois, directed by Pete Boivert, put together by the Nosedive team of Marc Landers, Becky Comtois, Stephanie Williams, Ben Vandenboom, and Patrick Charles Philucifer Willis Shearer (with special guests Ian W. Hill and Itai Sol), starring (in addition to Becky) David Ian Lee, Andrea Marie Smith, DR Hanson, Daryl Lathon, Ronica Reddick, and Matthew Trumbull is a masterful piece of theater at every level - great script, great direction, great production, great performances.

My previous favorite Nosedive show was 2005's Dying Goldfish, but this one surpassed it. I know I'm in the minority on Goldfish, but I'm not gonna be in the minority on this one. You could feel this one clicking with everyone in the room. This is a hit. The early rep on this show was that it was the most fucked up shit James has ever come up with, but that part kinda got out of the way early for me, and it quickly became the most heart-wrenching script he's written. In writing this character who is entirely despicable at the conceptual level, James has created for me his most sympathetic protagonist.

Anyone in the arts knows how easily they could turn into Wes Farley, how easy it is to value the general approval and admiration of others over a specific connection with any one person, how easy it is to say whatever thing will impress people in any given moment, and how easy it is to project a sense of authenticity rather than act authentically because the former gets the same response with much less effort. This isn't specific to the arts, but it's prevalent there. This play is being sold as a dark comedy about an awful guy pulling an awful scam - and can certainly be experienced that way - but it's actually a tragedy about what happens when the desire to be thought of well supersedes all other motivations - what kind of person that turns you into, and what kind of life it leaves you with.

Anyway, I can feel as I'm writing that I don't have my thoughts together. My point is, don't wait for the last two shows - clear your schedule and see it tonight. We'll talk some more later.

--SlowLearner

SOME DAYS...

...I wish I lived in Chicago.

Have a great opening, guys.

--SlowLearner